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Writer's pictureAli Woods

Broken-Up With & Heartbroken? IFS Can Help!


how to deal with heart break with ifs

Breakups can be emotionally taxing and complex, but IFS therapy offers a valuable framework to navigate these challenging times. When dealing with a breakup, various internal parts come into play. Your Exiles may hold deep sadness and pain from the end of the relationship. Your Managers might push you to stay busy or put on a brave face, while your Firefighters might seek distractions or engage in numbing behaviours to avoid the emotional pain.


IFS therapy provides a safe space to explore and support these internal parts. By understanding the roles of your Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters, you can approach the healing process with empathy and compassion. Instead of dismissing or ignoring your feelings, you can work with your Exiles to acknowledge and validate their pain. Simultaneously, you can help your Managers ease their control, allowing you to process your emotions without judgment.


Practical strategies for applying IFS during a breakup include regular self-check-ins. Ask yourself questions like, “Which parts of me are struggling the most right now?” and “How can I offer them support?” Journaling can also be a powerful tool for processing your emotions. Write about your experiences and how different parts of yourself are reacting to the breakup. This practice can provide clarity and help you navigate the emotional ups and downs of the healing process.


Questions and Journal Prompts for Processing a Breakup

  1. What parts of me are most affected by the breakup?

  2. How did my Managers respond to the breakup, and how has this impacted me?

  3. What role did my Exiles play in the relationship, and how do they feel now?

  4. How have my Firefighters been coping with the breakup, and is it helping?

  5. What needs or fears did my internal parts have during the relationship?

  6. How did my internal dynamics contribute to the breakup?

  7. What patterns or behaviors did I notice in myself during the relationship?

  8. What are the lessons I can learn from my role in the relationship?

  9. How can I support my Exiles in processing the pain of the breakup?

  10. How can I help my Managers find a healthier way to handle the aftermath?

  11. What coping strategies have been most effective or ineffective for me since the breakup?

  12. How can I use journaling to explore my feelings about the breakup?

  13. What are the key emotional triggers related to the breakup for me?

  14. How did my expectations impact the relationship and its end?

  15. What insights have I gained about myself through this breakup?

  16. How can I offer compassion to myself and my internal parts during this time?

  17. What positive changes or growth have I experienced as a result of the breakup?

  18. How can I rebuild my sense of self and identity after the relationship?

  19. What new goals or aspirations have emerged for me post-breakup?

  20. How can I create a supportive environment for my healing process?


Navigating a breakup is undeniably challenging, but Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy provides a compassionate and insightful approach to understanding and managing the emotional complexities involved. Remember, healing from a breakup is a journey that takes time and self-compassion.

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